I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
