I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
