Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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