Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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