Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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