My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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