chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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