I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I AM VODKA MAN
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
