is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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