I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
