I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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