Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm always down for nudity.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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