No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
