you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
false alarm, still single
is it fun? or sober?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
