i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
