Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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