Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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