mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
