Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
