i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
