this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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