Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
