I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
