Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
