Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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