I need to stop coming to work sober
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
