all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You're like the curious george of whores
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
