Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
