When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
