We won't sleep together?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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