stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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