I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize