how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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