Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
