im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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