I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
