you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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