hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
