I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
