I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
