First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
