i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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