In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
