Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
