Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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