3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
