i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize