i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
