maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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