I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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