i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
