It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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