dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I need moral support for this bender
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
