Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
