I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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