shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
