Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
