working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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