I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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