He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
