Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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