I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize