I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think people are normalizing furries
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
