There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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