a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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