Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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