yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
