This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize