How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
