dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
