throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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