Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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