Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
