like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
