I'm laying in your front yard are you home
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
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