Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
they need to just BURY HIM!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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