My boss' voice literally gives me gas
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
