i love accidental penises.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So apparently I’m into choking now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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