He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
