Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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