shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
