Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
