Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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