At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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