wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
