I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize