Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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