I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize