We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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