He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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