just tell him i said nine months
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
