Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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