He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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