Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
