Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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