i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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