Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
