worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
