I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
