Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Randomize
