If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
this will be a night to untag.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
