The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
