i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
