insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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