are you still at the devil's house?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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