This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
