dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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