are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
