She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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